Wrong Way Forward

6. Ninety Seconds to Happy? We Call Bullsh*t on Tony Robbins

• Katy Montgomery and Justin Joseph • Season 1 • Episode 6

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From Tony Robbins’ infamous “90-second rule” to Coldplay’s viral kiss cam scandal, Justin and Katy take on bad advice and messy real-life situations that deserve a second look. Is life really too short to suffer—or is that just a quick fix that ignores the real work of grief, growth, and emotional intelligence?

In this episode, we break down Tony Robbins’ advice about flipping your mindset in 90 seconds and argue why it’s the wrong way forward. Along the way, we share personal stories about loss, rejection, and resilience—and why quick fixes often do more harm than good. Later, we pivot to office romances, sparked by the fallout from the kiss cam drama. Can love at work ever work, or is it always a train wreck waiting to happen?

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“Some footage courtesy of Tony Robbins and used under the ‘fair use’ doctrine, 17 U.S.C. § 107, for purposes of commentary, criticism, and parody.”

Podcast Music licensed by Wrong Way Forward Podcast and courtesy  OneRepeat

Annoucner:

She's Katy Montgomery, he's Justin Joseph. These best friends are serving subpoenas to Bad Advice Weekly with Wrong Way Forward. The advice column reboot. You never knew you needed Sparks fly, and so does the hilarity. Now here's Katy and Justin.

Katy Montgomery:

Hi and welcome to Episode 6 of Wrong Way Forward. I'm Katy Montgomery and I'm here with my best friend, justin Joseph, and we're going to tackle some really bad advice.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, you know, I think we've hit some big thought leaders so far and are drifting on the wrong way forward, and today we're taking on one of the biggest.

Katy Montgomery:

One of the biggest. His name is Tony Robbins and we're going to play you a clip in just a little bit. But before we get started, my memory of Tony Robbins was being a little girl and seeing kind of that late night infomercials and you could purchase like a 50 tape set of like meditation and advice tapes from Tony Robbins and I just always found him really creepy and so because of that I've never been an active follower of his advice. But actually diving into this piece of advice we're going to share with y'all, I have no regrets for not having followed him up to this point.

Justin Joseph:

And I think I have a different way of looking at it, surprisingly, but sort of the same way. I feel like, even though he tries to be a thought leader, I feel like he makes such an effort to be high energy, it turns me off. His energy to me is not authentic, it's not real, and so if that's the case, I don't really care what he has to say.

Katy Montgomery:

So let's just admit that as we move with the wrong way forward, we are a little biased All right, so let's dive into Tony Robbins' advice and we'll take it up on the other side.

Speaker 4:

What have advice and we'll take it up. On the other side, the most horrific experience is life and we found a way to still be healthy because they've made the decision that life is too short to suffer. And the way I get out of suffering I give myself a 90 second rule. I feel myself start to feel that stress, feeling that pissed off, this or upsetness or concern or worry, but I can't whatever. I realize that's not going to make it better. Life's too short to suffer, suffer and then I just kind of breathe slowly slow, everything down and I just watch the clock.

Speaker 4:

Look at that, I'm sorry.

Justin Joseph:

That's total horseshit. Excuse my language.

Katy Montgomery:

I mean I agree with that. I mean 90 seconds. I think that that is basically suppressing feelings. I think it is a very oversimplified quick fix that actually could be fairly dangerous.

Justin Joseph:

I totally agree and I you know I don't want to speak for you, but I think, as someone who's been through maybe you want to share been through some traumatic things in your life. That rule would not work in your situation.

Katy Montgomery:

I mean I agree, yeah, I mean I think at a later episode we could kind of delve into kind of major trauma. But I really do believe in the five stages of grief and, having had two fairly traumatic situations in my life, I think there is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and I think if you don't go through those healthy stages then you will continue to suffer and then you'll continually be doing the 90-second rule, all day long, all week long, and continually.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, and I mean just so our viewers know you lost both your parents Again. We can talk about that in a little bit of time, but it was obviously very difficult.

Katy Montgomery:

Yeah, and under tragic circumstances.

Justin Joseph:

I would say and we'll talk about that another time so 90-second rule doesn't work for specifically in a case of grief is what you're talking about. I also think it doesn't necessarily work in other cases that are less traumatic. It's just it's. It's one of these things that you're trying to make a generalization about, about a large set of circumstances that just doesn't apply in every situation.

Katy Montgomery:

And I and I can tell you from having done a lot of coaching sessions with leaders you know even just kind of everyday leadership decisions. You know that are affecting organizations. People need to process the emotions behind that, and so it's not just why did that happen? Why am I reacting this way? Why do I have these triggers? How do I process these? How do I contain that anxiety for those people that I lead and manage? And I think if you were just to do a 90 second rule, you're not really having that self-reflection and emotional intelligence that's really important to be a strong leader that's focused on growth.

Justin Joseph:

And I mean just to share some personal stories. I mean for me as a realtor. I mean, firstly, anybody who knows me. You know me. Hopefully people are getting to know me. I'm an ultra competitive person.

Speaker 4:

Yes.

Justin Joseph:

And so I'm for my heart and soul into something, and so when I lose, it's devastating. I don't care what the loss is, but, like for a recent example, I lost a significant listing that I wanted and I didn't get it, and it laid me on the couch for a week.

Katy Montgomery:

And you know that doesn't mean that I'm, you know, dribbling on myself, but it was hard to think about other things Right. And I think you know, and I think the right way forward, which is the opposite of kind of what Tony Robbins is suggesting, is that if you were to say 90 seconds, you know I'm going to get to happiness. You know the better thing to do is to reflect why do I feel this way? Why am I having a reaction to this? Why is this so intense? What makes me feel better? How have I gotten over this in the past? That takes a little bit longer than nine seconds, but I think it's getting to the root cause rather than having the superficial, and I think that's what bothers me about him. It's just very superficial and I think it's an easy sell.

Justin Joseph:

It's easy for him to sell.

Katy Montgomery:

It's an easy sell and I think it's also. I'm finding that our culture likes the quick fixes.

Justin Joseph:

It's lazy.

Katy Montgomery:

It's lazy. Yeah, I totally agree.

Justin Joseph:

You know, when I got into real estate cause we you know, in real estate you have defeats on a regular basis. You just, I think, in life you do, you don't, you're not always going to win, Correct. And my first mentor said mourn it and move on, which I think that that's a better rule, because mourn it and move on. Mourning it may mean taking a week, it may mean taking 90 seconds, it may mean taking a year.

Katy Montgomery:

Right, right, and I think the thing too about it is that you know the way that he kind of puts it out. There is he starts with this really big premise People have been through horrific trauma, but they're still happy. There's a lot of people who get through terrific trauma and are incredibly happy, and that's because they allow themselves to experience anger and depression and acceptance and to lean on people in their communities. Not do this in 90 seconds. People have had horrible, horrific experiences and then later experience happiness and then, between you know point A and point B, his 90 second rule works. It was just an overstatement and an oversimplification.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, I totally agree and, you know, I think that the important thing to take away from whether it's more to move on, or the 90 seconds, or the five stages of grief, is you have to learn to experience the feelings. Ask the questions you were talking about, correct? Yeah so um, so yeah, I think it's. I think his advice is the wrong way forward in this case could not agree more, justin.

Justin Joseph:

Look at us, we're on the same page for once I know it's about time, right, all right um, so today we are talking about tony rahman's wrong Forward. We disagree that. It's as easy as just simply you know watching it. I think you said you watch it go by over your head. It's just not the way to look.

Katy Montgomery:

No, correct, and it's actually. It's not watching it. Go ahead, it's putting your head in the sand.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, I think that's exactly right. All right, so when we come back, we're going to talk about viewer emails from our last show. Last show we were talking about pet peeves and I think it was. We had a lot of them.

Katy Montgomery:

I mean, and then when I looked back at my notes, I didn't list about five or ten of them.

Justin Joseph:

Oh, you're going to list a few more today.

Katy Montgomery:

I mean, I may or may not, but we might have a pet peeves episode number two, which again, if I can make a plug, we'd love to hear about your pet thieves and any Wrong Way Forward advice that you've been hearing.

Justin Joseph:

You can email us at wrongwayforwardpodcast at gmailcom, and we'll be back on the other side with more information and your emails on what our pet thieves were last week. We'll be right back after this.

Katy Montgomery:

You've been listening to Wrong Way Forward, where bad advice goes to die and then gets resurrected, just so we can roast it again.

Justin Joseph:

That's right, Katy. Nobody's off limits not the gurus, not the influencers, and definitely not Oprah.

Katy Montgomery:

Sorry, Oprah.

Justin Joseph:

If you're enjoying the chaos, hit like and subscribe and come back every Thursday for new episodes.

Katy Montgomery:

Have a new topic or some disastrously bad advice you want to dissect? Email wrongwayforwardpodcast at gmailcom. Include your contact info.

Justin Joseph:

Now back to Wrong Way Forward.

Annoucner:

Roasting the worst advice ever. Welcome back to the Katy and Justin podcast.

Katy Montgomery:

Hi, we're back and we're going to review some reader emails about our last session. But we did talk about pet peeves and justin and I, since that day, have just a few more to come.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, um, you know we went out. We've obviously, since we're a town together, we've been out to dinner. I feel like most of my pet peeves are restaurants. Is that weird? We talked about episode one.

Katy Montgomery:

Yes, you know, the wine upsell yes, and, and I think your two dinner companions had a little phase of discomfort but I don't like to.

Justin Joseph:

No, Justin was totally appropriate.

Katy Montgomery:

I'm talking about the no way you started to get a little snippy and get we were. It was more that we were scared that you were gonna.

Justin Joseph:

But I've been learned from our first episode and I know the waiter would have known none the better.

Katy Montgomery:

Yes, and I and I want to know that. He was a new waiter. He was very confident, he's very nice, but what was your pet peeve last night?

Justin Joseph:

My pet peeve was we had been to this restaurant before because, again, I you know, if you you know me, I'm a creature of habit. So we eat at the same places and we were sitting at the bar and food came before drinks ever did.

Katy Montgomery:

I agree, that's annoying.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, it's annoying and what we've learned and we have a couple restaurants like this is you order one thing and you don't order the next thing until that gets there, because you know obviously you don't want a fast dinner, you want kind of dinner to take its time. I mean you were tired and ready to go home.

Katy Montgomery:

I was. I was exhausted. It's very exhausting podcasting without Justin, so anyway. So that was a new add to the pet peeve airport early tomorrow morning, and what is up with people thinking heading to the airport is an invitation to dress like a slob? I mean, people wear pajama pants. People look like they literally just rolled out of bed. It has just become this kind of mass transit of just slops.

Justin Joseph:

Does it make any difference if you're taking a red eye or a 5 am flight?

Katy Montgomery:

I mean, I don't expect people to have their hair blown out and full makeup, but I think you know, and I'm even okay with leisure wear, but why don't we just, you know, take a little pride in the appearance? It's like now you drop someone in an airport and then it's, it's literally it's. The analogy that I can only kind of come to mind is when we were in college and there'd be a fire alarm at like 4 am in the morning that everybody would have to exit to the quad. That's what people look like. Is that appropriate?

Justin Joseph:

I just to me it's a big pet peeve, Okay, and I guess to me it bothers me less and less they're sitting next to me. Then I'm like, okay, you shouldn't sit next to me wearing that. But, I mean, but you know, as long as you keep your socks and your shoes on, I'm really okay with it, that's well, that's a big assumption. That's the low bar for me. Yes, I don't want to see your feet.

Katy Montgomery:

I mean, I agree with that, but there's no guarantee anymore.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, that's true. I wonder what changed. That's what's interesting, because in our parents' days you dressed up to get on the plane. It was an experience. Maybe it's just because it's such a mass.

Katy Montgomery:

It is mass training it has and it's become much more accessible to everyone, which I think is great, because I want people to be able to see the world and travel and spend time with loved ones and have careers that they can grow in. But that doesn't give permission to wear pajama pants at the airport.

Justin Joseph:

Okay, so that's on your new pet peeve list. That's not going to be in our viewer email today because we didn't discuss it Last time. My big ones were the 4Ds I talked about at my house. I was throwing out 4 Ds and a B. You didn't talk about death, disease, destruction or dirt or the bathroom, right? Yeah, so that's still on my list. I've got some great viewer emails on that. These are not necessarily critical of you because you didn't disagree with me on that necessarily, but I laughed out loud when Justin drew the line at bathroom. Chatter over meals Same here. When Justin drew the line at bathroom. Chatter over meals Same here. Save the GI symposia for the doctor's office. My linguine doesn't need a trigger warning. Boundaries aren't brutish, they're considerate.

Speaker 4:

I think that's good.

Katy Montgomery:

I think it's good, but I mean I have something. Justin's list of forbidden dinner topics Dirt, death, disease and destruction Seems intense, but the real shocker is his fear of the four D's and a B Bathroom humor. A man who can't handle the word poo and I'd like to state for the record it's poot might not be ready for a podcast about things that drive us nuts.

Justin Joseph:

I can talk about it, but you're going to see my level of uncomfortableness rise as dramatically as the heat in this room. It makes me uncomfortable. It's just who I am.

Katy Montgomery:

Well, there you go.

Justin Joseph:

You can't change that. Here's a good one. Justin is two for two. Litter is a community killer. I don't remember discussing litter, but did I?

Katy Montgomery:

Oh me, I can't stand it.

Justin Joseph:

Okay, litter is a community killer and bad ice ruins a good drink. I started bringing a small grabber on evening walks, and his contagious neighbors joined in Also. Clear eyes, bodyguards, standards matter even a little things. Yeah, I agree.

Katy Montgomery:

I mean, of course you agree that person is. I mean again did your husband write in?

Justin Joseph:

Justin nailed it Handwritten thank you notes for a tiny master class in gratitude and professionalism. That was Katy, by the way, but I agree with that. I think that is. I teach a college seminar and now make students write three notes a semester. I think that's. That's. That's interesting. What do you think about that? That a college professor writes, makes their students write thank you notes?

Katy Montgomery:

I mean, you know, I think if it's relevant to what's being taught, and if it's pertinent and it makes sense on the learning objectives, 100%.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, this you can tell that Professor Dan R in Denver. I'd like to have him on the show. He's actually got some really insightful things. He said. After the students write this, the change in tone and their thoughtfulness is wild. And this is a text, is a receipt, a note, is a relationship Brilliant.

Katy Montgomery:

That is brilliant. I thought this was interesting. Justin's quickfire pet peeve is slow drivers. His co-host, Katy, immediately counters that she's bothered by impatient and kind of crazy drivers, which Justin is one. It's a miracle they made it to the studio together without a road rage incident.

Justin Joseph:

Well, in everyone's defense, Katy, doesn't drive, you don't drive, you're like Oprah, and you haven't even got that yet.

Katy Montgomery:

I mean, I can walk somewhere. I'd rather walk If public transportation is a faster way to get from point A to point B. I can drive and I do drive. I just like to keep that in an absolute minimum.

Justin Joseph:

Let's see what else we have. Let's see Shh oh, that's not one that's really relevant. Anything else you have on your end.

Katy Montgomery:

I mean, I have to tell you I think a lot of people are agreeing with our pet peeves and so maybe you know that is a space where you know right way forward.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, exactly, we're going to do this this sort of topic on a regular basis. I think pet peeves are really fun. Viewer emails are also fun to see what else is bothering everybody out there. But yeah, we'll hit this topic on a regular basis.

Katy Montgomery:

Yeah, definitely, and so I think now we'll take a break.

Speaker 4:

Yep.

Katy Montgomery:

And when we come back we will talk about it.

Justin Joseph:

Yeah, we've got a new topic. What are we talking about this week? You want to save it, let's save it. All right, we'll be back.

Katy Montgomery:

Thanks for streaming Wrong Way Forward the weekly reminder that advice is usually free. For a reason we call out bad advice wherever it hides boardrooms, break rooms and even book clubs Enjoying this dumpster fire Like? Subscribe and check back every Thursday for new episodes. Want us to roast your favorite piece of nonsense? Email us at wrongwayforwardpodcast at gmailcom. Be sure to include your contact info. We're not psychic, just judgmental. And now back to wrong way forward roasting the worst advice ever.

Katy Montgomery:

Welcome back to the Katy and justin podcast and we're back and in this part of our episode we just basically talk about it. And so what do you want to talk about today?

Justin Joseph:

so what I want to talk about today is we're going to set it up with a clip and then we're going to come back on the other side this clip, I think when I played. Everybody knows what it is, everybody has an opinion on it. We've had some new news to update it, and then we'll come back and talk about our take on it here in a second. So, of course, we're talking about the cold play. Kiss cam, yes, um, you know by now you'd be living on a different planet if you haven't heard about this. Um, why don't you? As you said, there's some new news I don't want to bring our listeners up to date on what that is and then we'll talk about our take I think what I read is that the woman, um, who was, you know, caught in the kiss cam, her husband, is now filed for divorce.

Katy Montgomery:

Right, and we do know that since that incident, I think, he has been released from his company and there's been quite a bit of fallout. I think what I find most sad about it is the family pictures that include the kids. Sure, and so now they're exposed and it's become you know it's viral, and so now they're implicated in it. Sure, and so now they're exposed and it's become you know it's viral, and so now they're implicated in it.

Justin Joseph:

Sure, I think what we want to talk about today is, you know, again the Coldplay kiss cam has been talked about to death. But I think the broader take is office romance, yes, acceptable, a right way forward, a wrong way forward.

Katy Montgomery:

Correct, so I'm going to use a little foul language here. You know, I think the general rule should be don't shit where you eat, and I think that there are so many things at play. First of all, you've, if you choose to, there are certain rules where that person cannot be managing your performance, managing your key performance indicators or your objectives, and I think the first thing is to check the regulations of what applies in your office.

Justin Joseph:

That's the lawyer in you.

Katy Montgomery:

That is the lawyer in me, and then I think it's also kind of you know, coaching kind of business leaders. I think it's also really thinking about your team If you are a leader of which, in the KISS camp, both of these people were C-suite executives. They were not only managing strategy of the company, they were managing team members, and I think that's a real lack of, you know, of leadership is not considering how this can impact your team members. Any type of change is difficult and change in organizations is hard. This has put a lot of change on those employees because of some selfish and not, you know, purely thought through decisions. But I think another thing that I'm concerned about is the way that it falls out for women, because all this gossip is real.

Justin Joseph:

Well, why is that just for women?

Katy Montgomery:

I think that women tend to take the brunt of it. If there is a relationship like this we tend to see a lot of times men are in more advanced positions. Women we've always heard that she's you know, she's sleeping up the corporate ladder. There could be a lot of nasty associations, and I don't know if those equally apply to men.

Justin Joseph:

So do you think this has set women in the workplace? This single incident has set women in the workplace back.

Katy Montgomery:

I don't have the single incident, but I think it was particularly bad that she worked in HR and so she was a woman, she knew the rules and she did that anyway and I would need to go back and review. But my guess is, is who kind of comes out worse? I would guess that there's a possibility that she might be inching just a little bit ahead.

Justin Joseph:

And I would say I have a friend and I'm going to keep everyone anonymous here who works in the industry. They do, and it knows this the man and has been in a conference with him several years ago. And this is all these are allegations. She said when, when she heard this happen, she looked up and saw who it was and said it didn't surprise her at all because of his behavior and a conference she was at with the same man, allegedly several years ago.

Katy Montgomery:

So you know this is.

Katy Montgomery:

It sounds like well, I found love in the office and I found my co-worker, but I think people need to get beyond what your personal experience was and really think about is this a slippery slope? And how do we protect our employees, how do we make sure that it is a comfortable and safe environment, and what's at play here? And so I think you know if people process that. I think it's also important for organizations to have really open discussions about this. I think a lot of times you join an organization and you watch the sexual harassment video and you click a box and they can show that you've been trained, and I think there should really be a discussion about what are the values in this organization, how do we live and we hold ourselves and how does that kind of come across? And you can fall in love in the office. That happens but how do you handle that to make sure that everyone is accommodated for and that we can avoid the office gossip and that we can avoid a lack of of, you know, integrity that might be coming across?

Justin Joseph:

And I feel like at some point both the man and the woman made a choice because at some point they realized I mean, they knew they were doing something that was inappropriate.

Katy Montgomery:

I mean clearly they both were grown people. They fell to the floor.

Justin Joseph:

At some point they made a choice to choose an affair and sex over their workouts.

Katy Montgomery:

And what I think would be interesting to ask both of them is how many things happen in the moment and are impulsive. Impulsive and the fact that it's forbidden might make it a little bit more adrenaline of an adrenaline rush and exciting. And then at that point you're too far gone, that it's like, and once people know they've done something bad, it's much more difficult for someone to come back and admit they've done something bad rather than to get permission right.

Justin Joseph:

And let's not forget that this same type of affair is what caused Glenn Close to boil a bunny in her affairs. Remember when she broke into his house and boiled a bunny?

Katy Montgomery:

In Fatal Attraction, which I'm so embarrassed to say this. I think people will just think I'm the biggest weirdo, but my grandfather Gompfs was visiting and my parents had that on and Fatal Attraction was on and I was in the same room with my parents and my grandfather and it might have been the most uncomfortable I've ever been in my life and I can't believe that just flashed into my memory because I'm really uncomfortable.

Justin Joseph:

It was traumatic. Well, mourn it and move on. Mourn it and move on Not to plunge the 90 seconds. You'll get over it in 90 seconds for Tony Robbins. All right, let's take a few viewer emails on this topic. Justin and Katy, hi, I think office romances get an unfair reputation. Sure, they can be messy, but some of the best relationships start when people share goals, values and countless hours working together. I think that's a fair statement, Do you?

Katy Montgomery:

I think it's a fair statement, but you know, then, what steps do you take?

Justin Joseph:

Yep, you know Another one please. Office romances are a train wreck in slow motion. Love that you can't flirt by the copier on Monday and expect the team meeting on Tuesday to stay professional. I think I you know. If you had to choose viewer email A or viewer email B, which one would you be?

Katy Montgomery:

Oh gosh, I mean that's tough. I think they're both kind of valid statements. You know and I think this is for a later show and I don't know if you're going to remember this when we were student body president and vice president, we had to meet with all of the university leadership over the summer and we got back and we said would you rather have a meeting with a man or a woman? Do you remember this? And we debated kind of what was better. And I do think that part of sales and pitching and managing and all that kind of stuff probably has a little bit of a flirt to it, and a little bit I mean, yeah, this is probably why I'm single at 51 as part of my flirting is poking fun at you, right, and so I think it would be really sad if all of that left the workplace. I just think everybody needs to understand the boundary.

Justin Joseph:

But in the Me Too era it has, or it should, because most people don't know the line Not most people, but a lot of people don't know the line between flirting and it gets too much.

Katy Montgomery:

Right, or just you know, just regular kind of banter and you know, and being kind of casual and fun, Exactly.

Justin Joseph:

Here's my favorite viewer email so far. Most office romances aren't soul mates, it's just Stockholm syndrome. With cubicles you see the same faces 40 hours a week and suddenly Bill from IT looks like prince charming.

Katy Montgomery:

spoiler he's not I mean, I'm just imagining bill from it. I'm like I just it'd have to be slim pickings bill from. It does not sound, he does not and bill you may very well be I mean, you may be the best man bill, you may be hot, we want to hear.

Justin Joseph:

Bill. You may be hot, we want to hear from you. If you're Bill from IT, we want to hear from you. Yes, we need you to push back. Well, that's all the time we have this week. On our episode six of Wrong Way Forward, please send us your personal stories, your bad advice, your good advice. Whatever, we'll take it all on. That's at wrongwayforwardpodcast at at gmailcom.

Katy Montgomery:

Yeah, and it's great to hear from y'all. And again, thank you for joining us. If you enjoy the content, we would love for you to follow, and you can always leave a review. Thanks again, bye, everybody.

Justin Joseph:

All right, that's a wrap on this week's episode of Wrong Way Forward. Remember, the only thing worse than taking bad advice is giving it.

Katy Montgomery:

If you've liked what you've heard, like subscribe or follow us wherever you stream podcasts, and if you've got a topic or need some advice, we'll probably regret giving email us at wrongwayforwardpodcast at gmailcom.

Justin Joseph:

Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Wrong Way Forward.

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Justin Joseph

Host
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Katy Montgomery

Host